“A child’s biggest deception”
I work with children aged 11 – 16. On the week before Christmas break, whilst covering an art class, I asked the students to draw a winter scene. The students were aged between 11 and 12 at the time. One boy came to me with his picture of Santa on his sleigh flying over a house, at the bottom he had written “A child’s biggest deception.” I read it a few times, before I asked him about it. It turns out that he had only just found out about Santa not being real, starting high school will do that.
It was the deception part that really got to me, so I asked him more. He explained that a child is naïve which makes them easily deceived and Santa is the proof of that. He went on to ask what other lies are told to children. I could clearly see he was still upset and angry about his new revelation so I left it there.
I felt sympathetic I also took the truth hard when I was a child, I refused to believe it and used ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ to keep it alive. On the other hand, hearing it gave me a sense of relief! 6 years prior on my daughters first Christmas, I made a choice then that as she grows up, I will be open and honest about this Santa Claus figure that they use at Christmas. My mum who had grown up on the tradition felt like I was stealing the Christmas magic!
Santa isn’t real
By the time my daughter turned 4 and started school, she starting asking me the question, ‘is Santa real?’. I told her that there was a man called St Nicholas and explained that Santa Claus is a character made from him and used at Christmas. At 4 years old this went over her head, but I had been prepared.
At 5 she asked me if Santa will bring her gifts, I gave her a similar response, but added that it was me that brought her presents. She told me that I was wrong and that he was real! I knew that this had been influenced by her friends at school and in some ways, I was happy that she believed in it herself and not from her mum.
Her belief in Santa never lasted, she knew that I brought all her presents, and is now 8 and fully aware of the whole story. Her friends all believe in him and she often feels sorry for them as she feels like she knows the truth.
The Elf!
The Elf is where things went slightly wrong!
Now I am not the best for pretend play things, i don’t do easter bunnies, nor tooth fairies. I personally feel that when you find out that, its all pretend you question anything slightly magical. The world is very magical and these sorts of lies can affect your beliefs in that.
My Auntie who is the same age as me is the opposite, she does it all and entered the new elf craze. I would drop my daughter off to her every morning for the school run and her kids would be jumping and excited over the crazy things their elf has done in the night. My Daughter became so obsessed over this elf as any child would. So much so that my auntie went out and brought her one with a note saying
Sorry I am late. I couldn’t find your address. I knew you would find me here.
She was so ecstatic, I was confused! We had tackled Santa from the beginning, but this had taken a road of its own without my input. I didn’t want to confuse her or be the grinch. I tried to stay neutral and keep my thoughts to myself. Every morning she would wake up to see what the elf had done. Of course, he hadn’t done anything because it was me that had to move him.
What happened next – The Elf
Feeling torn I decided to give her a Christmas with this elf and done all the fun things that you see on Instagram with the elf. The first thing I did was tip over the cornflakes and sat him in the mess. I let her find it, but she didn’t say anything, she cleaned it up, she then apologised that the elf had made a mess. This wasn’t going to go well; I had already felt bad for tricking her.
I promised that I would tell her the truth ready for next Christmas. But next Christmas she had done her research. (I must add that google are very good at keeping up the lies, or shall I say child proofing their answers.) she had researched that she had to do all these little things to make sure the elf comes back. So here we go again. I told her dad that this has to be the last year.
During the summer of the next year, she asked me if the elf was real, I gave her the response I always give her, which was to shrug my shoulders and tell her I don’t know, which I really don’t know what to say. ‘Mummy tell me the truth’ she demanded. So, I told her he wasn’t. I was not prepared for her reaction. She burst in to tears on the spot. She was so shocked and surprised that tears flew out her eyes instantly.
I felt so bad that I hadn’t told her the truth earlier. I had avoided Santa to encounter the same thing with an elf instead. Elf on the shelf hadn’t been a thing in my time, I was unprepared!
So it begs the question:
What effects are we putting our children at risk by believing in Santa Claus or any of these figures.
I decided to interview my daughter to get a child’s response:
Q: Should children believe in Santa Claus?
A: If you believe in Santa Claus and someone tells you it isn’t real then it is like your whole life is a lie. The elf on the shelf is a disaster, because if you believe in it you are going to be sad like I was.
Q: What should parents do instead?
A: Tell you that Santa isn’t real and not make you believe in it
Q:Do you think Christmas is boring without Santa?
A:No. You get to spend time with your family, listen to Christmas songs play games and have fun
Q: What would you say to parents that promote Santa?
A: I would say to parents that they need to stop making your children believe in Santa and elves, because when they find out they are not real, they are going to be upset and it will make them think about all the things that they thought was real and ask themselves why did I believe in that.
She also went on to say that children are constantly worried about whether they are on a good or bad list and Christmas isn’t meant to be a worried time it is meant to be a happy time with family.
She always comes out with such well thought out answers!
This year she has decided that she wants me to do the elf on the shelf as she wants to see how creative I can be with where I put him. She is still as excited for this. I think it has also put her mind at ease. The elf mystery had been something she had been trying to figure out.
What do we do once they know the truth
In my case nothing was done, in fact my mum even went as far as to mock how much I believed in him, even though it was her that made me believe. She was proud with how much she was able to trick me.
Once the child realises, parents either feel relieved that they haven’t got to do all the shenanigans that comes with a Santa believing house, or alternatively they are gutted that they can’t bring a bit of magic to their children’s lives, anymore.
But has any parent gaged the effects of what happens after finding out.
I know a child that knows Santa isn’t real but continues to pretend to his parents that he still believes in Santa so he can keep receiving presents. Equally, I know another child that also knew the truth, but pretended that he didn’t so he didn’t upset his mum.
Both examples of children lying to their parents because that is what they have been shown to do.
In My Personal Opinion
Children get to teenage years and have to get to know the world all over again, whilst juggling hormones. ‘What is the point if everything was a lie.’
I experience similar with teaching teenagers art, especially in the younger years. If you tell them they could make that line a bit more curved, they throw a mini tantrum and say they are rubbish at art. Art is something they have always received comments like ‘that’s lovely’. When they get to high school, they learn it as a skill rather than a pass time, a transition that only leaves them feeling defeated.
Similarly Santa is a vicious cycle that is outdated and stunting the knowledge of our kids, we bring them up in a false world and then leave them to refigure things out as a teenager. Children are sponges, I believe we should equip them with valuable knowledge as soon as we can.
5 Reasons to tell your children the truth about Santa.
- They trust you more than anyone.
Children grow up relying on their parents to tell them the truth. If they find out you have been lying to them the whole time, this could affect that trust.
- They still find magic in Christmas
My daughter loves Christmas for the right reasons. She enjoys spending time with the family and playing games, she also has fun on the lead up to Christmas. We do ‘12 days of Christmas’ where we make decorations, watch films go to a Christmas show etc. Download our 12 days of Christmas if you would like to do one this year.
- Christmas is boring once the truth comes out
Anyone who has grown up believing in Santa will remember all the excitement of Christmas disappearing the moment you find out the truth. It changes the whole concept of Christmas. Sure you know Jesus Christ was supposed to be born that day, but you have been preparing for Santa since you can remember. When that stops you have nothing to look forward too.
If you don’t believe in Santa from the beginning then not much will change apart from your age.
- It applies pressure on them to be good
The Good or Bad list is heavily used by parents to bribe their children to behave. Children who are genuinely well-behaved, will feel a pressure to be extra good.
worst then that are those that are bad, as they will still more than likely get presents! This is only teaching them that they weren’t that bad.
“He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good…” It’s all too much. It is emotional blackmail and children would be better off learning to be grateful and giving.
- Strangers in the house!!!
Why we think it is ok to tell our children that a man breaks into our house and has a glass of milk whilst they are sleeping? It doesn’t offer children the security they need to feel safe, even if he is dropping off presents.
I have known a few children to feel uneasy over the concept, yet the narrative is still spun.
- Who are we doing it for?
Are we doing it because that is what we were taught to do. Or maybe you had a childhood that didn’t do the Santa thing so you feel like you missed out. Maybe you feel like it is your way of making your children happy. Ask yourself why are you keeping this Santa fairytale going.
